so much has happened in the last few months. my head is absolutely reeling. i feel like my heart is constantly dropping at light speed into the bottom of my stomach. there's a knot in my throat i can't get rid of no matter the number of times i swallow or the amount of water i gulp down.
i'm losing my life. in a number of ways i've already lost it, but more loss is being prolonged. my relationship is over. my 30 day notice was given and my house is up for rent. i showed it to a passerby a week ago. it hurts.
life as i know it will change dramatically. no more planning what we'll have for dinner. no more pulling out the bar-b-que and talking about our day over a glass of wine and a cigarette. no more urging someone to communicate with me, if only to text and tell me how their day is going. my closest friend, the person i've loved more than anything for the last 5 and a half years, the one who knows me the best (and worst) in the world will be out of my life. completely out of my life.
i fain excitement at the opportunity to be single. a teeny tiny portion of me is open to whatever may happen in my future. the rest of me is uncomfortable, hurting, rejected, broken.
sometimes love just isn't enough.
